Orchestrating a satanic child trafficking ring to harvest the miraculous life-extending drug adrenochrome from tortured kids’ brains is one thing, but I draw the line at rigging the Super Bowl! Yup, “Sleepy” Joe Biden may be ambling through life with a rapidly disintegrating brain, but it seems he’s still sneaky enough to fix the most prestigious contest of the sporting year.
Last night the Kansas City Chiefs scraped a jaw-dropping 25-22 overtime win against the San Francisco 49ers to clinch their third title in five years. What with all the culture war stuff, this can’t simply be a football match, it must also be an epic political battlefield on which the soul of the nation is being fought.
Much of this centers on the all-American golden couple Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Kelce became a hate figure on the right for supporting Black Lives Matter and *gasp* and advocating COVID vaccinations. Swift has traditionally played her political cards close to her chest, though endorsed Biden in 2020 and is expected to do the same in 2024. Swift had just played an arena gig in Tokyo, but made a last-minute flight to be there to support her man (the starving polar bears must be thrilled)
So the romcom ending in which Swift dashed from the stands to plant a kiss on the victorious Kelce as confetti rained around them was, for MAGA-heads, about as much fun as watching a beloved childhood pet crushed by a steamroller. But what if all this was a set-up? Can anyone say CIA psyop? Qui bono?! I’m just asking questions!
Chud social media was already vibrating with discontent, and then Joe Biden’s account did this:
Simultaneously Hillary Clinton decided it was time to pour some more gasoline onto the fire:
This kicked up more stink than a bomb going off in the toilets at a music festival. Here’s how it’s going down in the murkier corners of the internet:
And this, from a man with “common sense” in his bio:
We’re through the looking glass here people:
Fortunately, this brain genius is on the case:
And how could we doubt it when Kelce is just out there throwing up 666 signs?!
But hey, X is the kiddy pool when it comes to nutso takes. Let’s get messy and head over to the actual no-kidding zero irony QAnoners to see how they’re taking this:
49ers 4+9 =13 Superbowl 58 5+8 = 13 Taylor Swift recently won her 13th grammy, says 13 is her lucky number. Taylor Swift’s 13th appearance supporting the Kansas city chiefs was on the superbowl.
“The 49ers finished the NFL season as the No. 1 seed in the NFC, while the Chiefs finished as the number 3 seed in the AFC. The numbers next to each other are 13.”
Feb 11th 2 +11 = 13 , NFL twitter just tweeted “13 plays. 75 yards. 1 Super Bowl victory.” …
And, as another user breathlessly pointed out, Swift was born on Dec. 13 1989. All the pieces fit!
And don’t even get them started on the halftime show:
Well, I’m sold.
As we get closer to the November Presidential election expect the pressure cooker that is the United States to heat up to never-before-seen levels. If you think a giant evil conspiracy involving Taylor Swift, the Super Bowl and the CIA is bonkers, then you better buckle yourself in as 2024 is going to ascend to new heights of weird.